Out of Bounds

A few weeks ago, I was driving something I dislike doing when my husband is in the car because I am a tad bit spoiled. I like to be driven around I blame my father he started it lol. My dad has always driven my mother around and I can count on one hand how many times he has been a passenger in my car let alone anyone else. I decided I would drive on this day while my husband sat as a passenger doing what I typically do talk on the phone. He was engaged in a conversation which prompted me to think about relationships and boundaries. In most relationships whether it is family or friends, sometimes lines get crossed. I had to ask myself the question why does that happen often? The answer was simple because people are out of bounds (Boundaries).

If you are a person who has played sports especially basketball, you will hear the referee blow the whistle when a person crosses the lines because at that point they are out of bounds. If a person goes out of bounds, it is a turnover. If you are not a sports person, a turnover is when either the offense or the defense does something against the rules or due to pressure, make an error. The turnover can be the turning point for that game especially if it is down to the fourth quarter and the game is tied. I have watched someone throw a game away and ending up losing because of a turnover which was the turning point. The turning point for most relationships are when someone address the boundaries that were crossed. One thing I know is people do not like to be addressed because they do not know how to communicate or they feel like the person bringing an issue to them is confrontational. I am people and this is exactly how I used to feel. Let us keep it real, I did not know how to handle these types of situations and instead of effectively communicating I ended up ghosting that person like their name was Casper the friendly ghost. I have to say this was not becoming of me and many times I wasn't aware of what I was doing, let alone how it impacted others. Yeah your girl has damaged relationships with others, I know it may be hard to believe but it is true. I have not been always been the best sister, friend, mother cousin, aunt, and etc. I have been out of bounds and I am grateful that some of the relationships I stepped outside of the lines was repairable. The reason they were repairable because, I did the necessary work meaning counseling and soul searching to determine where I went wrong and to correct it. The forgiveness wasn't because of what I said but the actions that followed behind. I am glad I no longer am the person who says a person is tripping because how they felt when a boundary was crossed. I have not only been a person that has said this but I have witnessed others say the same thing. The audacity of myself along with others to determine depth of how a person felt when I was the offender or they were.

I have come to the realization that, people are okay with crossing boundaries but not okay when the person offended calling them out. I have witnessed referees call out a play and the player want to argue with them knowing good well their foot crossed the line. The very player that crossed that line know they are a habitual line stepper. The type of person who see how much they can get away with until they get caught and shrug their shoulders while pleading their case. The same thing happens in our relationships, we often know we have offended a person not because they have told you, but by their response. The response could be an evil look, paused communication, or some people just leave you right where you stand (cut them off at the knees). The moment this happens a decision must be made based on the reaction of the person out of bounds. If a person has a problem with the boundaries, you have created, that means they lack respect for you in whatever capacity you are to them. I will be the first to say it is okay to create boundaries and one of the healthiest things you can do for any relationship you have. Teach people how to treat you and if you see them getting ready to go out of bounds “Call them out.”

What boundaries have you established with the people in your life whether it is your relationship with your significant other, children, co-workers, family members, or friends?

Faith in the Mountains

On this past weekend I had an opportunity to watch my nephew walk across the stage as he graduated from King University in Tennessee. The school was right on the border of Tennessee/Virginia so we stayed in Virginia. Let me tell you something, I worked until 8 p.m. on Friday night only to hit the highway and arrive in Virginia a little after 3 a.m. I would be lying to say I wasn't tired because look here a sista was tired. We had to get up by 8 a.m. just so we could leave the hotel on time and find seats because it was first come first seated event. I drove too far to miss it, so your girl was up like I hadn't just fell asleep. I must say I enjoyed the graduation until my eyelids became heavy and the fresh outdoors wrapped the wind around me as I drifted into a not so deep sleep. The spirit of sleep was transferred from my brother Mike who eyelids fell a little sooner than mine. I looked to my left and saw he was fake reading and taking a nap which is something he has done since we were kids. We celebrated my nephew after with dinner at Cheddar's and lobby conversations to catch up as a family. We had an amazing time but what was even more amazing was what we saw while heading back home.

Isaiah Curry

I was a passenger this entire trip thanks to my hubby, so I was able to take in all the things around us. We were coming through the mountains, and I barely had my eyes open, but I saw something that made me sit up in my seat. I wasn't expecting to come across a church called "Faith" sitting right in the mountains. In that moment, my mind began to go to another place because I was intrigued. I thought about the mountains not only I've faced but those around me as well. I must say while facing those mountains faith was far from my mind because I couldn't see past the mountain that was standing in front of me. If man saw fit for a church to be placed in a mountain called "Faith", why is it we can let faith reside in us while going through the mountains of life. I guarantee there are people who chose not to go to that location because how it was positioned in the mountain, however, think about the ones who do. The faith they have is enough to believe that they will make it up and down that mountain safely every single week no matter what the conditions are. If we could have just a little bit of that type of faith when curves come, we wouldn't look at our mountains the same.

If you are a person who has driven or rode in the mountains you will notice you go up, down, have some tight curves, storms, and moments where your soul may temporarily leave your body. The warnings are posted on the side of the rode however if you are skilled driver, you don't always listen to the warnings because you think "I Got This". I always get nauseated while traveling through the mountains, so I look to the left of me and often keep a bag in close proximity. I know you may be wondering why? I do it because I'm preparing myself because I know the impact the mountains have on me so why not be prepared for the journey. I've been on enough trips to know when we are close to the mountains. I get a feeling every time and if I'm the person who start driving I always pull over and let the other person take over which is part of my preparation. I must say as must as you can be prepared for the mountains it doesn't always align the way you would like it to. In all honesty, we tried to prepare to leave earlier today so we could get out the mountains before the storm started but we didn't make it in time. I didn't know that the covers were going to hold me hostage for an hour longer and the pillow was going to be whispering sweet nothings in my ear, so it caused us to be delayed. I thought to myself if you would have just got up early you wouldn't have to face the storms in the mountains. I had slight fear and the what ifs were running through my mind. I had to have faith in my husband who was driving the vehicle who drives like a bat out of hell lol. I knew he had the necessary skills to navigate us but yes, I lacked a little faith in him and I'm just keeping it real.

My prayers got a little more detailed before we headed out and I know Jesus was probably like sis pipe down I got ya'll. I can get a little extra when I'm in emotional distress, so I was like Jesus can put a pause on the rain. I guess he thought I was funny because I felt like he was crying laughing that's why it was raining like it was. The rain was a start and stop situation so I was mentally on a rollercoaster and was ready to get off without finishing the ride. We made it through the storm and on the other side of the mountain was sunshine. I was absolutely amazed of how on one side of the mountains it was so ugly but once we got through it, I saw the beauty. I know if we gave up and pulled over, we would've have never made it to the other side. In life you have to go through the mountains to get to the other side because if you don't know you won't experience the beauty waiting to greet you. We have to develop the mindset that faith will carry you before, during, and after you go through the mountains of life.

What does your faith look like as you face your mountains?