A few weeks ago, I was driving something I dislike doing when my husband is in the car because I am a tad bit spoiled. I like to be driven around I blame my father he started it lol. My dad has always driven my mother around and I can count on one hand how many times he has been a passenger in my car let alone anyone else. I decided I would drive on this day while my husband sat as a passenger doing what I typically do talk on the phone. He was engaged in a conversation which prompted me to think about relationships and boundaries. In most relationships whether it is family or friends, sometimes lines get crossed. I had to ask myself the question why does that happen often? The answer was simple because people are out of bounds (Boundaries).
If you are a person who has played sports especially basketball, you will hear the referee blow the whistle when a person crosses the lines because at that point they are out of bounds. If a person goes out of bounds, it is a turnover. If you are not a sports person, a turnover is when either the offense or the defense does something against the rules or due to pressure, make an error. The turnover can be the turning point for that game especially if it is down to the fourth quarter and the game is tied. I have watched someone throw a game away and ending up losing because of a turnover which was the turning point. The turning point for most relationships are when someone address the boundaries that were crossed. One thing I know is people do not like to be addressed because they do not know how to communicate or they feel like the person bringing an issue to them is confrontational. I am people and this is exactly how I used to feel. Let us keep it real, I did not know how to handle these types of situations and instead of effectively communicating I ended up ghosting that person like their name was Casper the friendly ghost. I have to say this was not becoming of me and many times I wasn't aware of what I was doing, let alone how it impacted others. Yeah your girl has damaged relationships with others, I know it may be hard to believe but it is true. I have not been always been the best sister, friend, mother cousin, aunt, and etc. I have been out of bounds and I am grateful that some of the relationships I stepped outside of the lines was repairable. The reason they were repairable because, I did the necessary work meaning counseling and soul searching to determine where I went wrong and to correct it. The forgiveness wasn't because of what I said but the actions that followed behind. I am glad I no longer am the person who says a person is tripping because how they felt when a boundary was crossed. I have not only been a person that has said this but I have witnessed others say the same thing. The audacity of myself along with others to determine depth of how a person felt when I was the offender or they were.
I have come to the realization that, people are okay with crossing boundaries but not okay when the person offended calling them out. I have witnessed referees call out a play and the player want to argue with them knowing good well their foot crossed the line. The very player that crossed that line know they are a habitual line stepper. The type of person who see how much they can get away with until they get caught and shrug their shoulders while pleading their case. The same thing happens in our relationships, we often know we have offended a person not because they have told you, but by their response. The response could be an evil look, paused communication, or some people just leave you right where you stand (cut them off at the knees). The moment this happens a decision must be made based on the reaction of the person out of bounds. If a person has a problem with the boundaries, you have created, that means they lack respect for you in whatever capacity you are to them. I will be the first to say it is okay to create boundaries and one of the healthiest things you can do for any relationship you have. Teach people how to treat you and if you see them getting ready to go out of bounds “Call them out.”
What boundaries have you established with the people in your life whether it is your relationship with your significant other, children, co-workers, family members, or friends?