What Kind of Veil Are You Wearing?

I remember a few years ago when I was going to Canada with my mother, and she asked me to assist her in speaking. The topic was veils, which prompted me to think about wedding veils, which triggered me. I’ve been married for almost ten years but never had my dream wedding. Due to our living status, I had a small wedding on a Thursday in February before the large wedding I was supposed to have in June of that year. We were active in the church, living together, and the cat was let out of the bag. We chose to have a small wedding after being pulled into the office on a Tuesday to avoid being sat down. Marriage licenses were obtained the next day, and we were married by Thursday. We lost out on deposits, and I still have a dress I never wore in my closet, which I regretted for a long time. If I was the person, I am today; I would’ve just sat down until June and did it our way. I’m glad my mother wanted me to assist her because it allowed me to speak about the one thing I never got the chance to shop for.

What’s the Purpose of the Veil?

I am an absolute fan of weddings, so veils are something I’m intrigued by. My favorite wedding show on tv is “Say Yes to the Dress” because the dresses are gorgeous. The thing I love the most is not the dresses but the veil the women choose. Veils are something that comes in different styles, which almost makes it as hard to choose the dress. Women wear veils, so they don’t expose their faces while walking down the aisle to marry the love of their life. The beauty of the veil is the bride can see her husband and the direction she is headed; however, he can only catch a glimpse of her. He must wait until the moment when he can pull it away, which is my favorite because of the element of surprise. I could only imagine what the groom thinks when he takes it off, like, “Damn girl, you fine.” I love that a veil is unnecessary; however, if you find one you like and it doesn’t fit, it can be altered but prepare to pay.

Alterations

The veil is simple to purchase; however, it may need to be altered based on the length or size of your head. The veil price can range from a small bill to a used car, depending on the specifications. You want it to fit nicely so that there are no issues on your big day. Imagine walking down the aisle and it’s sliding off your head, and if you have a head like mine, good luck, sis because not one size fits at all for me. I’m not the type of chick that can walk in “Lids” and grab a hat and go. I must try on several because God created me with a bigger brain, which means he had to give me more space than most. The alterations aren’t the only thing isn’t the only thing that you have to worry about with the veil, but the weight of it.

How Heavy is your Veil?

Veils carry a lot of weight, depending on the structure. Many brides like to add extra bling and extra length, so now that changes things. Veils range from shoulder length to cathedral length. If that veil is anywhere from shoulder length to waltz length, you don’t need any help with it on your big day. It would be best if you had someone to carry that veil when it reaches floor length. Why? Because you don’t want it to drag through all the dirt while getting to the alter. You’ve spent too much time and money on alterations for it to be dragging along, so you are going to do what’s necessary to make sure it stays presentable, meaning you must put someone else responsible for something you want.

So why are so many of us walking around with veils on? Do we not realize how heavy it is to carry it, the price we pay, and the hard work it takes to keep it? You don’t even need a veil yet want to put one on. Many of us want to put them on in our lives because we don’t want people to see us for who we are, just a glimpse. The fear of them being able to identify the altered person cost more as opposed to “Letting the Real Slim Shady Please Stand Up.” We are afraid if they see the person coming down the aisle and not the person with the veil pulled back, the element of surprise might be ugly. The cost of the weight of carrying the veil is too much. Let’s be honest, sis, you need to treat it like a hot wig that’s been on your head, snatch it off, and put it to the side. The people who helped you carry the floor-length veil may no longer be there to carry you because now they no longer have a purpose in your life. It’s okay because those observing you walk down the aisle as you carried the veil can embrace you better because now, they see the real you. I challenge you to remove the veils in your life. Be open and transparent because you don’t know the reaction you will get when you are no longer in hiding. Know that just because you are giving a person a glimpse of who you are doesn’t mean they don’t see right through you. The people who are waiting for you to come out of hiding will be to receive you with open arms. Ask yourself these questions!

1. What veils are you wearing?

2. What adjustments do you need to make?

3. Is it worth the weight you carry?

4. How can you remove the veils in your life?

Invalid Address

Have you ever received something delivered to you and questioned how it ended on your doorstep? In your heart, you know you did not place an order, but now you are thinking, “Maybe I did.” The brown or white truck (UPS or FedEx) rings your doorbell on a sunny Monday afternoon, and now you are trying to recall what you ordered for the fifth time last week. A few months ago, the previous owner of our home had something delivered to our address. I know it was intentional because we have been getting all his mail to the point; I had to reach out to the post office because your girl was over it. I heard the doorbell ring while upstairs, but as fast as I could get to “What Can Brown Do for You,” he was gone. The driver must have been running late to his next stop because all I could see was him turning the corner on two wheels like he was in the Indy 500. I looked around the box and started inspecting it to see if there was identifying information. I discovered who it belonged to based on the label and the picture on the side. The photo showed a hoverboard, and let us be real, having boys, the spirit of not returning was heavy. I know the spirit of jail and karma is more prosperous, so I decided to do the right thing. I instantly tried to find a way to get the package to its owner because I knew he would be looking for it. I did what I did best; I started researching by utilizing my secret weapons to contact him. I did not have much luck with my regular outlets, so I went to LinkedIn and, long behold, found him. I sent a message but no response. I eventually figured he would trace the package to where it was, so I left a note on my door letting him know his package was inside and how to retrieve it. He finally came to get what belonged to him, but it took some time. It made me think of how often we do not return packages that belong to us or accept those we do not need.

Return to Sender

Many of us keep letting the wrong packages get delivered to our doorstep because we do not see it coming; or are accepting it and waiting for it to be sought after. We need to treat those that get delivered in our lives with care. Some packages are fragile; by the time they are delivered, they are broken, not what you expected, or just not a fit for you. The decision to accept or reject (return) is up to you at the point. The other thing you must be worried about is if you take on a damage item, is the damage minor enough to keep it, and the cost to resolve it. I have been the person that gets those packages more often that what I like. Some were exactly what I expected, and some I was not ready for the damage I found when I opened the box. The packages were not items but the “Stuff” that people hand delivered, and they all were wrapped differently. I had moments where I had too much empathy and allowed their packages to be my package. I was so consumed by what was being dropped at my doorstep, and now I was faced with the decision that I had too much stuff already. I did not need anything extra. I have learned that once that box is opened, I must be prepared for what is inside, or I can choose to reject and return it to the sender.

Intercepted Packages

Growing up, my mom would always go to the Post Office to put her mail on hold until she returned from trips. This is because she did not want a mailbox overflowing with mail drawing attention that they were not at home. The times she had forgotten, she would have someone she trusted to gather her mail and keep it until she returned home to pick it up. I always thought this was wise because she was proactive and protecting her space which was their home. I have implemented this behavior into my life because this is valuable and who wants to draw the wrong attention to their safe space. A lot of times, we do not think about being proactive with the packages we have. We know our friend “Can’t Get Right” is getting ready to drop some mail on your doorstep, but you allow them to drag their stuff right in the house. You just signed off on something you could have rejected, but now it is 2 in the morning, and you have to be up in the next 3 hours for work. Did you forget that this just happened six months ago and they have learned their lesson so it's gone happen again. Sis, why are you missing sleep for someone who caused their sleep to be disturbed based on their actions? If the UPS Store, FedEx, therapist, and other businesses have store hours, you need to. When those packages show up, they need to be treated as if you are on vacation and put on hold. If you choose not to pick them up, that is fine because it is junk mail anyway.

The next time you get a package that shows up on your doorstep unwarranted, evaluate how you are going to handle it. Make sure that you have the capacity to accept it, and if you do not, reject it and return it to the sender. It will save you the headache, the disagreements, energy, and time. Treat it like the hoverboard that showed up at my doorstep; although you want to keep it, remember it was not intended for you in the first place. Please do whatever you have to ensure it gets to who it belongs to so that you do not end up with junk not needed.

Ask yourself these questions?

1. What packages are you accepting?

2. Do you know what you are signing up for?

3. What can you do to make sure when they show up intentionally or unintentional you handle them with care?

4. How will you get rid of the packages you did not sign for?

What About Your Friends?

Last week I had the opportunity to attend church at The Heartland Church in Fishers, Indiana, where we have been visiting for the past month. The guest pastor was based out of Atlanta, Georgia, and the word he presented resonated with me; it landed me in deep thought. The pastor spoke about the paralyzed man in the book of Mark and his boys and how he wanted to see Jesus, but the place was so packed he couldn’t get to him. The kind of friends he had, were so invested in him and wanted to make sure he accomplished his goal of meeting Jesus, so they made the impossible possible. They formulated a plan to go on top of the roof, cut a hole in it, and lower him until he was face to face with Jesus. Because of what they did, he was not only able to see Jesus but was healed and able to C-Walk out of there. I walked away like, hold up; wait a minute, you mean to tell me this man's friends were straight riders to the point goals were attained and unexpected blessings happened. I can't lie the first thing I thought about was the song by T.LC, "What About Your Friends." I wanted to start dancing in church, repeating the choreography from the video, but I didn't. Instead, I started thinking these are the type of friends you need because you never know what dreams, obstacles, joy, pain, or hardships you may face through your journey in life. I honestly think knowing you have some friends, like in the book of Mark, you will be able to overcome anything that comes your way. You must know what type of friends you are befriending because all friends are not created equal, and you must do your research.

Consultation

In establishing any relationship or friendship, you must be sure of what you are looking for, and the only way to know is by researching. Research is done by asking a series of questions and by spending time so you can identify behaviors. If you think about it, you shouldn’t start a new skincare regime without researching the products on the market because you want to do what suits you. There are many skin types, normal, dry, oily, sensitive, and combination. The goal is to find the right product to address your skin’s needs because everything isn’t for everybody, and just because this incredible product works for you doesn’t mean it will do the same for the next person. It doesn’t make sense to spend hundreds of dollars and time on a product only to find out it’s not working. It makes you upset because it stops working and is now discontinued. The decision to stop using the product or see if there is another product similar on the market is something you must explore. It’s the same with friendships because they are many different types based on the person, and you must know what you are dealing with.

One Strike and You are Out

You have that one friend that acts like a baseball player. You have one strike with them, and you are out. This friend will cut you off because they feel slighted or offended. Reconciliation isn’t something they like because cutting you off is a defense mechanism, and that’s how they protect themselves from being hurt again. You must be careful with this friend because you are not exempt from experiencing their wrath, and when they cut you off at the knees, you will be left with a taste in your mouth that you can’t seem to get rid of. The disgust you experience will leave an impression on you because, you thought it wouldn't happen to you and now you somewhere praying trying to figure out what just took place.

The Praying Friend

The friend that is praying before you hang up the phone or sends a text stating they are praying for you. Don’t get me wrong; prayers are mighty; however, If my friend informs me they don't know what they will eat the next few days until their unemployment check hits; what I do next determines a lot. My prayers will not keep their stomach from touching their back and experiencing missed meal cramps. I can pray and have faith they will get a job all day; however, today is the day my work doesn’t need to be dead. I need to go into action in the process of them waiting to get their unemployment check in their account and make sure they get the food needed to survive. The flip side to that if you are not a praying friend and just their party friend they don't see the problem with not helping.

The Party Friend

The friend that you know that as soon as they hear about a party, they call you to see if you want to go. The first thing they do is, ask what you are wearing and where is the location of the meetup. They love to be out on the scene but are nowhere to be seen when issues arise. This isn’t a friend you can call to come to get you from across town because you are stranded, or even send an Uber if they aren't available. Funny thing is they know how to utilize Uber while ya'll are out having a good time. These are the friends that are just there for a good time and not a long. The friendship will eventually be short-lived because of what’s going to happen when you are all partied out. You have to know that person for who they really are past the twerk sessions but some people only won't to keep you within a certain reach and don't want to go further in the friendship.

The Measuring Tape Friend

The friend that you keep at an arm's length distance and treat like a long sleeve shirt. You don’t allow them to get close to you because you are making them pay for a past friendship due to your lack of healing. This friendship is probably valuable to your life; however, you can’t see past your hurt, so you keep them at a distance. You are very surface with them, and when you feel like they are starting to get close, you loosen up the sleeves a little to create more space. This friend you don’t realize is probably what you need for the season of life you are in or for the rest of your life; however, you measure who they are based on your past experiences. The person doesn't get the opportunity to see if they are everything you are looking for in a friend.

The Combination Friend

Let me tell you something; this is the one friend you can’t afford to switch up on. If you think about the word combination, that means a mixture which this friend has many components to them. I would say this is the friend you can pray with, twerk with, who can call you out on your bull, and you say, “I can’t stand you heffa, but you right.” The friend who will get up in the middle of the night and drive across town or state lines to ensure they are there to help in your time of need. The friend you can be like, I know you are not working right now, but I have money to the side if you need it. I’m talking about the friend you trust with your life, the friend who you can ask for advice, and the friend when you are not the best version of yourself and will ask questions to see how they can help you. The book of Mark friend is the combination friend who makes sure you reach a goal when it doesn’t seem possible, but they are pushing you along the way by any means necessary,

I can honestly say that I’ve been most of these types of friends at some point in my life. Some friends I have now are who I started with; some have entered my life in seasons and left, and some have stayed for a lifetime. The thing is, the friends In my life, 10 or 20 years ago, I wasn't ready to receive them because I didn't know what it took to be a real friend, and as a result, I learned the hard way. The friends that have been here throughout the years have seen the good and bad side of the friend I've been. Yes, your girl has not always been a Combination type of friend. I've had some not-so-proud moments of friendship; let's be honest; I was TRASH. I fought for relationships with men harder than I fought for relationships with my girls, which was detrimental. Suppose I could only have fought for my girls the way they did. In Mark, boys, I would have the support I needed to go far. Instead, I cut them off and became silent, and, in the moments where it should have been celebrations, there were separations. I am the friend I am today because of my positive and negative experiences and being accountable for the times I fell short. I didn’t always know how to let people vent without a response until I was told you always got something to say; I need you to listen. I didn’t have empathy, but I always had sympathy. I could easily be sad because of what my friends were going through. The thing I didn’t know was how to place myself in their shoes. I could easily send someone some money, but I didn’t know how to do that without being asked. I now know if there is a need, I’m going to make sure the need is met on my end because relationships are based on anticipating the needs of others, being an ear, being a motivator, praying for you, twerking with you, tearing off the roof if necessary, and calling you out on your bullshit. I can't promise that some people won't come into my life and eventually leave because everyone serves a purpose, whether the time is short or long. I can promise that I know the friends that are the right type for me, and I don't have to spend countless hours or tons of money to find out if they are beneficial for me. I know who will "Knuck If You Buck," "Just A Prayer Away," "Throw it in the Bag," "Shake Something Twerk Something," No Limit Soldier, and "Will Cross the Ocean for You."

1. What Kind of Friend Are You?

2. Are you able to identify seasonal or permanent friendships?

3. Do you know how to move forward when the season is up?

4. Is it time to do an assessment of your friendships?