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Off the Top by C Nicole

"Your Voice is Your Power"

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About C Nicole


C Nicole is a wife, mother, sister, friend, aunt, and so many other things. I created "Off the top by C. Nicole" to take you on a journey of my inner thoughts. Growing up my parents always told me I say whatever comes to mind without thinking. I must say, they were absolutely right. The older I became the more I realized I journaled my thoughts but never released them. The people closest to me would only get a snippet, but now the time has come to share with the world. My blog is a place where you get to hear the thoughts I have as a wife, mother, daughter, sister, friend, and human being. 


So grab your coffee, tea, and it's five o'clock where you are, grab your adult beverage!


Your estimated wait time is something you hear anytime you call a business to pay a bill, get your vehicle serviced like an oil change, or go to a busy restaurant without reservations. The waiting game is a game your girl doesn’t like to play because I think about all the things I could do besides waiting. Although I despise waiting, knowing the estimated wait time is a little reassuring; I rather know instead of standing around because, at that moment, I can decide if it’s worth the wait or am I just going to look for another option. Growing up, I was the most impatient person, and as soon as I knew there was waiting involved, I would sigh why because “I wanted what I wanted when I wanted it.” I didn’t particularly appreciate waiting at restaurants, doctor’s offices, beauty shops, or even in the line at Dairy Queen, and I love an Oreo blizzard from Dairy Queen. The thing I had to learn was in this life; I was always going to have to wait on something whether I liked it or not. Imagine going to a restaurant and you are told the estimated wait time is 20 minutes, and you leave, to only go to the next and the wait time is longer. I can guarantee you will probably have some not so holy words to utter out of your mouth because now your stomach is really gone be touching your back. If you go to the beauty shop and get a style that requires you to sit under the dryer for 30 minutes, but you sit for 15 only, your hair will be a hot ass mess, and you’ll have to start over. So why don’t we wait?

Desperate Times

If we can sit and wait on the phone with Verizon for 30 minutes because they have extreme hold times, why can’t we wait on everything else we want in the same manner? Yes, while waiting for someone to pick up the phone, you might be a little agitated, but what options do you have. If you are calling, you need something that chat can't do, and that's a favor; I know in my history of calling Verizon, it was always for a payment arrangement that went past the dates I already requested. We have all been in this situation with a bill at some point in our lives, so I am not going to front like Verizon wasn’t the thorn in my side because it was. You are waiting out of desperation and not out of convenience because you have a need, not a want. The options are nonexistent, and depending on when you make that phone call, the likelihood of your phone being disconnected is looking like “You should’ve not waited until the last minute.” So, you sit and sometimes wait longer than the estimated wait time because who wants to risk hanging up and having a longer wait time. I utilize my wait time to fold some clothes, cook dinner, scroll social media, sing to the hold music, or multitask and pay bills online because why not fill that time I’m waiting with being productive. I know that eventually, someone will be on the other end of the line because I have that much faith. After all, I can’t afford to pay the ultimate price of having disconnected services.

What's Your Price?

The problem is that while we are waiting on a job offer, to be found by the love of our life, prayers to be answered, relationships to be reconciled, or a door to be opened, we don’t do anything but complain. What’s the point of complaining or getting upset when you know you must wait. The utilization of patience will get you so much further because eventually, something will happen on the other end. We are too busy complaining that we don't realize that we may not even be ready to receive what we are waiting for. We don’t fill that time with knowing who we are, preparing for the job, and doing the necessary work on ourselves. We don't believe that if we hold out a little longer, our time will come, but instead, we take matters into our own hands. We force something still in the process, which only delays us from getting to our destiny. We should be somewhere singing, “Hold to his hands God’s unchanging hands, because sometimes you must fill your spirit with positive things while waiting. Yes, it may not feel good while waiting but imagine if you get in a relationship that’s not for you because you didn’t wait; Baby, you will wish you did. I experienced it because I saw the relationships those around me had, and I started to desire that. I was looking for love in all the wrong places. I was in a physical, emotional, mental, and financially abusive relationship for almost nine years that could’ve cost me my life because I didn't wait. I should’ve been living my best 18-year-old life, but instead, I was in bondage, trying to find a way out. The price of not waiting was higher than I could’ve imagined, but I’m grateful I didn’t pay the ultimate price and lose my life. I have also witnessed first and secondhand the consequences of not waiting. The price has been foreclosures, repossessions, job terminations, death, poor health, bitterness, jealousy, etc. People are too focused on the wait and not the faith. If we could sit back and listen to the music while we hold, we would forget about the estimated wait time.

1. How long are you willing to wait?

2. What will you do while waiting?

3. What Price are you willing to pay?

4. When will you remove the expectations of your wait time?

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Updated: May 23, 2022

How often have you gone to somebody's house, and they decided today was the day they would hand something down to you they no longer needed? How often has someone come to your house and you choose to give them something you no longer need? How often have you heard somebody say this furniture was passed down from my mother or family member. I say this is something that happens very often. I know because every time I see my mama, she always tries to get rid of her stuff and knows good and well I will take it. My mama does this because growing up, she was given hand-me-downs which also struck an interest in secondhand (thrift stores) for her. If you do not know what secondhand is, stores where people donate things they no longer need, and the store resells for a reasonable price. I always looked at the term second hand as, from one hand to the next. The thing about secondhand stores is that you can find some good stuff; however, you can also find stuff that needs to go in the trash. The stores would rather you purchase the garbage before they dump it themselves. My mother and I make it a girl's day and travel from store to store for that very reason because some stuff is trash. I have developed the same love she has for those stores; however, the spirit of sneezing falls upon me as soon as I walk in. The odd thing is the worst the sneezing usually is for me, the stores I typically find the most trash (stuff) in and normally walk out.

Take What You Need

My mama knows that things do not have to be new for me to want them, so somehow, she feels that she should be the one to give them to me at no cost. I promise anytime your girl goes to visit Myrtle, I am guaranteed to leave with a trash bag of stuff or grocery bag. The things she gives me a lot of times are right on time and be having me hollering, “Yasssss” as I bag it up. The other stuff she tries to give me, let us be honest, needs to go in the trash, prompting me to give her the side eye. I used just to take it for the sake of her feelings until I realized I was adding to the trash I had. I had to be like mama, “Why do you keep dumping the stuff you need to let go on me.” I can honestly say it was the moment I realized this is what happens in life.

Trash Bags

We often allow people to dump the trash they need to let go of on us. We do it because we may be empathetic, sympathetic, think we can handle it, or do not know how to say "NO." We take on more trash, knowing what trashed we are consumed with that already belongs to us. The overflow does not come into play, and we act as if we can handle it. Hell, we act like once the trash is removed, we might need to cleanse it. If you have an outdoor garbage can, you know it must be deep cleaned often. Why because they start to attract things you do not want, like bugs, maggots, flies, or an appearance that is not pretty. The same thing with people is once they see trashed can be dumped on you, they can care less about the cleanup. They do not realize they leave you with so much garbage that a deep cleanse is needed after it is carried away. A deep clean is necessary because you would catch yourself attracting the same type of people. I had to learn how to rid people of the trash (stuff) they were trying to dump on me because, at one point, I was consumed. The cleanup was not pretty, and some relationships never bounced back from it. The cleanup was not pretty at all, and some relationships never bounced back from them, but the ones that were supposed to did. I had to learn it was necessary and that it is my responsibility to let people know I have no room for their trash so they can keep it or let it go.

The Clean Up

If you have an outdoor garbage can, you know they must be deep cleaned often. Why because they begin attracting things you do not want like bugs, maggots, flies, or an appearance that is not pretty. The thing with people is once they see they can dump their trash on you, they can care less about the cleanup. They do not care they leave you with so much of their garbage that a deep clean is needed after it is carried away. The reason the deep clean is needed because you will catch yourself attracting the same type of people and they become pest or ugly. I had to learn how to rid people of the trash (stuff) they were trying to dump on me. I found myself so consumed with their trash; I could not figure out what belonged to me. The trash was beginning to merge, and I did not know what was going on. The trash overflow landed me on the couch of a stranger (counselor) who was helping me with the cleanup but let me tell you I was not ready. The cleanup was not pretty at all, and often I questioned how I was going to bounce back from it. I can say some relationships where people thought they can continue to dump their trash on me stopped. I had to work extra hard to rebuild the relationships that were impacted by my trash overflow. I learned that it is my responsibility to let people know I have no room for their trash so they can keep it or take it out on their own.

Things to Think About

  1. What trash are you holding on to?

  2. Do you know how to identify the trash?

  3. Why are you opening up your bag to take on someone else's trash?

  4. Are you ready for the cleanup?

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Growing up in a house full of people (11) to be exact, my parents always kept rugs around the house especially in the living room, I honestly think we had them in almost every area of the house but being a kid I was not concerned with the why I just know I had to keep them clean. The thing that prompted me to ask "What's the Purpose of A Rug", is getting my own apartment. The purpose is for covering an area with some damage or to make sure that a room is presentable. We have all purchased rugs whether small, medium, large, or x-large, to make sure it would fit in the space we wanted it to lay. The thing is do you really need a rug? I say rugs are optional. Why can’t we just leave the area where the rugs lay exposed. The reason is because, we want to keep that spot covered or want to do what's pleasing to our eyes but don't realize what follows after.

The bigger the rug the more work it will take to clean it. I want you to think about a rug and the times you had to clean it. The things that you discovered under them when you pulled them back. I bet you was pretty shocked or disgusted. I don’t care if you are a daily sweeper, you’ll discover things still get swept under the rug. I’m sorry for busting your Mr./Mrs. Clean bubble but that’s the truth. The way the dirt made it way under the rug most times was unintentional and let’s keep it real some time intentional. The unintentional is from people walking in the house with shoes on. The intentional is picking the corner of the rug up, taking the broom, and sweeping the dirt under the rug. I’m not gone lie and say I haven’t done that as a kid when I was trying to hurry up and fake clean. I’m sure if my momma knew what I had done, she would probably added extra chores. She was under the impression that the floor was swept and nothing was under the rug. I’m sure when it was time to clean it, she questioned under it, but her focus was how to get it cleaned. When it comes to cleaning, how it' is cleaned is based on the size of a rug. A small rug typically can fit in the washer and dryer at your house, in the basement of your mama house, or your baby mama/daddy house. The medium rug can probably fit in the laundromat down the street from the liquor store. The large rug is the one that you can probably take out in the backyard and shampoo, condition, and hose down. The x-large rug sis you might as well hang it up and call a professional upholstery service because you don’t have the capability or knowledge to clean it. I would say you have a lot of dirt build up and covering it up isn’t the only thing taking place. The rug has an unpleasant smell forming and eventually will become tore up. The person at that point must decide to repair it or get rid of it.

Relationships have a variation of rugs, the reason I know because I have experienced many throughout my life. I was a habitual rug sweeper in relationships because I was a PP (people pleaser) not PPP loan. The thing is I didn’t realize how much cleanup was needed for the rugs as a result of continuously sweeping things under. The bigger the rug the more expensive it is to clean up. The cleanup isn’t the only thing I didn’t know but the sizing of rugs and pricing. Small rugs (5X8) were the ones when I would just hold in my mind and just take a mental note. Medium rugs (8X10) were the ones that I would tell the closest person to me my thoughts but still make sure that after talking to them I swept that ish right under the rug. The large rugs (9x12) were the ones that I told multiple people about and still didn’t have the courage to discuss. I would gladly walk right on over to the broom and sweep it under rug. The x-large rugs 12x15) would be the ones and incident happen and I have no way of knowing how address or scared of being confrontational and I completely shut down. When I say this rug reminds you of shopping and after seeing all the store had to offer, you like yep, this the one right here. The one where your mama gone call one person and next thing you know the entire family involved. I’m talking about three-way, so your three-way, can three-way because the tea so hot and nobody wants to keep spilling it.

The same people who are talking about the consequences as a result of the rug sweeping you have done, are the same people in denial of their shortcomings and silent members of the “Rug Sweepers”. Rug sweeping is usually a learned behavior passed from one person to another. What I’m saying is it’s contagious and if you aren’t careful, you find yourself needing to be delivered from it. Imagine having rug that you have not only created but having either fix or get rid of it. The position to make a decision that can affect a relationship, creates flight or flee in some people. Growing up I saw so many relationships suffer because of rug sweepers. The issues were never resolved, and people went to their graves still mad about something that happened 26 years ago. I have watched others never get a chance to let a person know they weren’t mentally in a space or place to have a conversation at that time in their life. I have seen people hurt other but being guilty of association. The one thing common with these rugs, someone always end up hurt. The hurt person usually isn’t the rug sweeper but the person who you offended or didn’t fix your issue with. I experienced this was someone very close to me and as a result we didn't speak for years because I had an x-large rug. Yes, the friend I am isn't because I was born this way it's because of the lessons I learned from being a "Rug Sweeper". I thank God because that relationship was salvageable once I identified the rug I owned. I had to not only identify the rug but make sure I was in a place where it was no longer needed and I was ready to pay the price to clean it up. Many people want to sweep things under the rug instead of paying the price to fix it or clean it properly. The price is often accountability, forgiveness, space needed, or eventually finding out all you have done will never repair the relationship with that person. Just remember when you make the choice to sweep things under the rug, “All rugs have to be Cleaned”.

What’s rugs are you housing and what can you do to clean them? Is the rug worth the end of a relationship? What’s under your rug? Are you a silent member of the Rug Sweepers?

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Indianapolis, IN

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